


first you look so strong (then you fade away)

by patientalien



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Incredible Hulk (2008), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Bruce Banner & Thor Friendship, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Thor Needs a Hug (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26004799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patientalien/pseuds/patientalien
Summary: The last time Bruce sees him is at the wedding.Nobody had actually expected him to show up, honestly. The news reports have all shown the tireless work going on to settle the Asgardian refugees. None of them have talked to him directly in months, mostly leaving messages with his fiercely protective general.But there he is, making conversation with someone Bruce only vaguely recognizes, smiling widely, as though this isn't the first time any of them have seen him in over a year, since he literally disappeared from the Garden in a shower of grief and pouring rain.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Thor
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32





	first you look so strong (then you fade away)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whatdidyouexpect (youdbetterbeready)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/youdbetterbeready/gifts).



> Title from "Vapour Trails" by Ride, a song I just think is kind of fitting.

The last time Bruce sees him is at the wedding. 

Nobody had actually expected him to show up, honestly. The news reports have all shown the tireless work going on to settle the Asgardian refugees. None of them have talked to him directly in months, mostly leaving messages with his fiercely protective general. 

But there he is, making conversation with someone Bruce only vaguely recognizes, smiling widely, as though this isn't the first time any of them have seen him in over a year, since he literally disappeared from the Garden in a shower of grief and pouring rain. 

"Thor! Hey Thor!" Bruce calls over the ruckus of the reception - understated by Stark standards, but boisterous by Banner's - waving a hand over his head to be seen. 

Thor's head snaps up and his smile widens even more. He clasps the shoulder of the person he's talking to in farewell and then all but pushes his way to Bruce. "Banner!" he exclaims, "Oh my god, it's so good to see you!" Bruce suddenly finds himself lifted up off his feet, wrapped in a Thor-sized hug. Thor shakes him a little before putting him down. 

Bruce is immediately a little suspicious. Either Thor has gotten a great deal of therapy in the past eighteen months, or he's putting on an incredibly impressive show. 

From the smell of whiskey on his breath, Bruce is willing to take a gamble and treat Thor as though it's a show. "Hey buddy," he says, grasping Thor's elbow lightly. "You alright?"

Thor makes a face, as though Bruce has said something completely ridiculous. "Yes, of course! Listen, I'm glad you're here, I've been - meaning to talk to you."

"Yeah, sure, okay," Bruce says, glancing around to make sure they won't be missed for a little while, leading Thor out of the ballroom and into the hallway. Once they're in relative privacy, Bruce presses again: "Thor, are you okay? Nobody's seen you in forever!" 

"It's not like you didn't know where I was," Thor sniffs, but then chuckles like it's a joke. "I'm fine, everything's great. How've  _ you _ been?" He grabs Bruce's shoulders and looks down at him as if he truly wants to know the answer.

Bruce had almost forgotten what it felt like to be on the receiving end of Thor's undivided attention. It's like staring into the sun. The difference from the last time they stood like this, is the manic gleam of exhilaration on Sakaar has been replaced by a smile that, up close, looks tired. Like staring into a collapsing star. 

"Good, fine, I've been good," Bruce stammers, patting Thor's broadly muscled chest, mostly to get the weight of Thor's arms off of him. He decides not to talk about what he's been doing with his time instead of visiting his friend. He knows Thor and the Hulk are friends independently of Bruce; he isn't sure how Thor will feel about what he's doing. 

"Good, that - good, I'm glad," Thor stutters out, going to lean against the wall, then deciding not to, wrapping his arms around himself before deciding to lean against the wall again.

"Did you want to tell me something?"

Thor pushes off the wall again, fingers flexing as though he wants to wrap them around something. Bruce notices that he's wearing a pair of black fingerless gloves despite the well-tailored suit swathing the rest of him. "I, ah, yeah, I've been -" Thor huffs out a breath and rubs the back of his neck. "Doing a lot of thinking," he continues. "And I - I just - I wanted to tell you, directly. 'Cause you were different, and I figured - I don't know - ."

Bruce raises an eyebrow. "What're you talkin' about, pal?" he asks, drawing the question out, inexplicably nervous about Thor's response. 

Instead of answering the question Bruce is clearly asking, Thor answers the one he asks in his head. "You took a big risk," Thor says. "You did a lot for me, and you didn't have to. I appreciate that. I appreciate  _ you _ , Banner." 

Instead of filling him with warmth, Thor's words stop him cold. They reek of finality. "I mean, you too, Thor. You're amazing!" It's hardly a lie, but Bruce mostly throws it out in a desperate bid to lift the god's clearly-lowered spirits even a little bit. 

Thor chuckles humorlessly and shakes his head. "I'm serious, Banner," he says. "You and Hulk took a lot of risks for me, and I - it's… uh, I, um. Thanks." Thor bites his lip and reaches out to clap Bruce's shoulder. "See ya."

Bruce reaches up to grab Thor's wrist before he can fully drop his hand away. "Hey, what's going on?" he prompts. He might have begged Tony not to use him as a therapist, but he's not exactly ignorant of… certain signs. 

Thor shakes his head, lips pressed together in a terrible parody of a smile. "Wha- nothing! Psh, I just wanted to say thank you, don't make it weird, man." 

Bruce raises the other eyebrow. " _ You're _ acting weird, man," he informs Thor. "I thought we were friends. Don't friends talk to each other?" Thor had been plenty open on the Statesman about his worries over being King. He might not have shared them with everyone, but he had shared them with Bruce. After that… well, after that it's like the open book that was Thor Odinson had been slammed shut and thrown into the fire. 

"Yeah, but - " Thor's nostrils flare and he looks around as though trying to find an escape route. His fingers clench. His breathing tightens. 

"Hey! Hey!" Bruce exclaims, realizing what's happening just as Thor clutches at his chest and wheezes, 

"D'you want a drink? I need a drink."

"No, no, it's - come here." Bruce leads Thor over to a couch set into an alcove and pushes him down. Thor is close to hyperventilating, his eyes squeezed tightly shut, the scar transecting his right one pulling at the surrounding skin with the intensity of his scowl. Bruce kneels between Thor's legs and presses a hand against the god's chest. "Hey, Thor. Breathe with me, buddy. It's okay, I think you're having a panic attack. Just breathe with me, it'll pass in a couple minutes." 

Thor takes one hitching breath after another, eyes still closed, a flush of embarrassment staining his cheeks pink. "This is so stupid," he complains through clenched teeth. 

"Aw, no, don't - it's fine, man, it's okay. You think I've never had one of these?" 

Thor clenches his fists, braced on either side of him against the seat of the couch; tiny sparks leap from one knuckle to another. Under his breath he mutters, "I knew I shouldn't've come, I  _ told  _ her…" 

"Thor, hey, come on, bud, talk to me," Bruce prods. "I'm  _ worried _ about you, man!" The radio silence had told one story. The sight before him tells quite another. "Just keep breathing, alright?" He walks Thor through a basic calming exercise - twice- until his friend finally opens his eyes and lets out a shaky sight.

"Ah, ha, that, uh, oh shit, that was embarrassing," Thor laughs weakly, swiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. "Really wish you hadn't seen that."

"Oh, hey, no, it's okay!" Bruce assures him, rising from his crouch to sit beside Thor, reaching over to rub his back. "Feeling better?" 

Thor grunts an affirmative, clasping his hands and hunching over his knees. It's a position Bruce had become accustomed to, after Wakanda. He doesn't like seeing it again now. 

"Nothing to be ashamed of, man," Bruce prattles, unsettled but not wanting Thor to realize it. 

"I don't wanna talk about it," Thor blurts out. 

Bruce pauses his backrub to sit back a bit and get a better look at Thor. "Okay, sure, no, we don't have to. Uhm. Tell me about New Asgard? You guys look great on the news."

Thor's expression brightens somewhat at that. "Oh, yeah, it's good - we're good. Just got cable. And a brewery! So, you know, that - that's been good."

Not quite the news Bruce had been looking for, but more insight into Thor's mental state. "Thor - "

"Anyway," Thor says quickly, sniffing and standing abruptly. "Just wanted to say thanks. I've done that, so I've gotta go now. Bye." He turns, starts to walk away, almost gets to the main lobby by the time Bruce catches up with him.

"Hey!" Bruce calls, gasping for breath, leaning on his knees for a moment. "Hey, wait, hang on, hold up." 

Thor stops, looking puzzled. "What?" 

Suddenly, Bruce isn't sure what he wants to say. Isn't sure what he  _ could _ say to heal the massive wounds that Thor has been dealt, the wounds he is clearly still suffering from, even if he puts on a happy face for the sake of appearances. There's nothing, he realizes, that won't sound ridiculous and patronizing. "Just. Stay in touch, okay?" 

Thor gives him a weak and watery smile. "I'll send you an electronic letter." 

"Did you finally get a computer?" Bruce asks, glad for the minor distraction in topics.

"No, why?"

"Ha, Thor, you're the best." He means it, sincerely. "Are you really leaving?" he asks when Thor heads towards the revolving doors leading outside. 

Bruce follows him out, the night sky above the small boutique hotel in the Berkshires twinkling with bright stars. Fewer people means less light pollution. Take the good with the bad. 

"I need to go," Thor nods, pulling a pen out of his suit-jacket pocket. He gives it a shake, and Stormbreaker springs up in its place. Bruce jumps backwards; its a trick that takes some getting used to. 

"Because of the…? I told you, man, it's okay! Nobody even knows except me, and I won't tell anybody. Friends help each other, remember?"

Thor swallows heavily, then straightens and nods once, as if convincing himself of something. "Bye, Bruce." He raises the axe over his head and he disappears in a column of rainbow light, nothing but a pattern of burnt grass in his wake. 

Bruce waits for a few minutes in the hopes that Thor might change his mind and come back, but when the skies remain clear and the grass unbothered, he pulls out his phone. 

"If something happened, I'm holding you responsible," Valkyrie informs him when she answers on the second ring. 

"Ah - no, no, nothing - nothing happened, but, ah, is Thor -"

There's a sigh on the other line. "There are ups and downs," she says after a moment. "Down, lately. I thought seeing you guys would help, but I'm a little surprised he actually showed up." 

Bruce rubs his palm against the side of his thigh and presses his phone a little tighter against his ear, whispering as though there's anyone out here who could hear him. "Is someone, you know, keeping an  _ eye _ on him?" 

"Korg and Miek," she confirms. "Me, when I have time." 

"Would you keep me in the loop?" Bruce requests. "He, uh, I want to make sure, uh-"

"I barely have time to wipe my own ass, Banner," she tells him. "I'll call you if something happens, otherwise you gotta check in yourself. He sure as hell won't."

Bruce grimaces at her exhausted voice. "I will," he promises. "I'll call - wait, does he have a phone?"

"Probably not, I don't know, I'll get him one. Anything else?" 

"Just - um, tell him I said hi?" Bruce could kick himself. 

Her throaty laugh brings him back to reality. "Sure. Come visit sometime." 

"I will."

Bruce stares down at the phone in his hand for a while after the call ends. Then he shoves it in his pocket, straightens, and goes back to the party. 


End file.
